1164 - Issue: He said: "And whoever proposes to a woman who does not incline toward him, it is permitted for someone else to propose to her."
Khitbah (proposing), with a kasrah, is the man's request for a woman for the purpose of marriage. Khutbah, with a dammah, is the praise of Allah and the tashahhud. The situation of the woman who is proposed to is never devoid of three categories:
The first: That she inclines toward the one who proposed to her, and she responds to him, or she gives permission to her guardian to respond or to marry her off. In this case, it is forbidden for anyone other than her suitor to propose to her, because of what Ibn 'Umar narrated, that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "None of you should propose over the proposal of his brother." And from Abu Hurayrah, from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), who said: "None of you should propose over the proposal of his brother until he marries her or leaves her." Both are agreed upon [by Bukhari and Muslim]. This is because it involves causing corruption for the first suitor and generating enmity among people, and for that reason, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) forbade a man from selling over the sale of his brother. We do not know of any disagreement among the people of knowledge regarding this, except that some held the prohibition to be one of dislike (karahah), but the apparent meaning is more appropriate.
The second: That she rejects him or does not incline toward him. It is permitted to propose to her, because of what Fatimah bint Qays narrated, that she came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and mentioned that Mu'awiyah and Abu Jahm had proposed to her. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "As for Mu'awiyah, he is a destitute man who has no wealth, and as for Abu Jahm, he does not remove his staff from his shoulder; marry Usamah ibn Zayd." Both are agreed upon. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) proposed to her after she informed him of Mu'awiyah and Abu Jahm's proposals to her. Furthermore, prohibiting proposing to her in this state is a harm to her, for no one would wish to prevent a woman from marriage except that he would prevent her by proposing to her himself. Likewise, if he makes an indirect proposal during her waiting period (iddah), by saying, for instance: "Do not let me miss out on you," and similar expressions, it is not forbidden to propose to her, because in the story of Fatimah, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)...
(1) Its verification has preceded in 6/306, 307. The reference for the first hadith in Sahih Muslim should be corrected from 2/1028 to 2/1029, and in 'Aridat al-Ahwadhi from 1/480 to 5/70. (2) The story of Fatimah bint Qays has had its verification preceded in 6/307. Added to it: Recorded by Al-Bukhari, in: The Chapter on the story of Fatimah bint Qays, from the Book of Divorce. Sahih al-Bukhari 7/64, 75. And Muslim, in: The Chapter on the thrice-divorced woman having no right to maintenance, from the Book of Divorce. Sahih Muslim 2/1114. It was also recorded by Al-Darimi, in: The Chapter on the prohibition of a man proposing over the proposal of his brother, from the Book of Marriage. Sunan al-Darimi 2/135, 136. And Imam Ahmad, in: Al-Musnad 6/412.
١١٦٤ - مسألة؛ قال: (وَمَنْ خطَبَ امْرَأَةً، فَلَمْ تَسْكُنْ إِلَيْهِ، فَلِغَيْرِه خِطْبَتُهَا)
الخِطْبةُ، بالكَسْرِ: خِطْبةُ الرَّجُلِ المرأةَ لِيَنْكِحَها. والخُطْبةُ، بالضَّمِّ: هى حَمْدُ اللَّه، والتَّشَهُّد؛ ولا يَخْلُو حالُ المَخْطوبةِ من ثلاثةِ أقسامٍ:
أحدها: أن تَسْكُنَ إلى الخاطبِ لها، فتُجِيبَه، أو تَأْذَنَ لِوَلِيِّها فى إجَابَتِه أو تَزْوِيجِه، فهذه يَحْرُمُ على غيرِ خاطِبِها خِطْبَتُها؛ لما رَوَى ابنُ عمرَ، أَنَّ النَّبِىَّ -صلى اللَّه عليه وسلم- قال: "لَا يَخْطُبْ أحَدُكُم عَلَى خِطْبةِ أَخِيهِ". وعن أبى هريرةَ، عن النبى -صلى اللَّه عليه وسلم- قال: "لا يَخْطُبْ أحَدُكُمْ عَلَى خِطْبةِ أخِيهِ، حَتَّى يَنْكِحَ أو يَتْرُكَ". مُتَّفَقٌ عليهما (١). ولأنَّ فى ذلك إفْسادًا على الخاطِبِ الأوَّلِ، وإيقاعَ العَداوةِ بين النَّاسِ، ولذلك نَهَى النَّبِىُّ -صلى اللَّه عليه وسلم- عن بَيْعِ الرَّجُلِ على بَيْعِ أخِيه. ولا نعلمُ فى هذا خِلافًا بين أهلِ العلمِ، إلَّا أن قَوْمًا حَمَلُوا النَّهْىَ على الكَرَاهةِ، والظَّاهرُ أَوْلَى.
القسم الثانى: أن تَرُدَّهُ أو لا تَرْكَنَ إليه. فهذه يَجُوزُ خِطْبَتُها؛ لما رَوَتْ فاطمةُ بنت قَيْسٍ، أنَّها أتَتِ النَّبِىَّ -صلى اللَّه عليه وسلم-، فذَكَرَتْ أَنَّ مُعَاوِيةَ وأبا جَهْمٍ خَطَباها، فقال رسولُ اللَّه -صلى اللَّه عليه وسلم-: "أمَّا مُعَاوِيةُ فصُعْلُوكٌ لَا مَالَ لَه، وأمَّا أبُو جَهْمٍ، فَلَا يَضَعُ عَصَاهُ عَنْ عَاتِقِهِ، أنْكِحِى أُسَامَةَ بْنَ زَيْدٍ". مُتَّفَقٌ عليه (٢). فخَطَبها النَّبِىُّ -صلى اللَّه عليه وسلم- بعد إخْبارِها إياه بخِطْبةِ مُعاوِيةَ وأبى جَهْمٍ لها، ولأنَّ تحريمَ خِطْبَتِها على هذا الوَجْهِ إضرارٌ بها، فإنَّه لا يشاءُ أحدٌ أن يَمْنَعَ المرأةَ النِّكاحَ إلَّا مَنَعَها بخِطْبَتِه إيَّاها، وكذلك لو عَرَّضَ لها فى عِدَّتِها بالخِطْبةِ، فقال: لا تَفُوتِينِى بنَفْسِكِ. وأشْباهِ هذا، لم تَحْرُمْ خِطْبَتُها؛ لأنَّ فى قِصَّةِ فاطمةَ أَنَّ النبىَّ -صلى اللَّه عليه وسلم-
(١) تقدم تخريجهما فى ٦/ ٣٠٦، ٣٠٧. ويعدل فى تخريج الأول صحيح مسلم ٢/ ١٠٢٨ إلى ٢/ ١٠٢٩. وعارضة الأحوذى ١/ ٤٨٠ إلى ٥/ ٧٠.(٢) قصة فاطمة بنت قيس تقدم تخريجها فى: ٦/ ٣٠٧.ويضاف إليه: أخرجها البخارى، فى: باب قصة فاطمة بنت قيس، من كتاب الطلاق. صحيح البخارى ٧/ ٦٤، ٧٥. ومسلم، فى: باب المطلقة ثلاثا لا نفقة لها، من كتاب الطلاق. صحيح مسلم ٢/ ١١١٤.كما أخرجه الدارمى، فى: باب النهى عن خطبة الرجل على خطبة أخيه، من كتاب النكاح. سنن الدارمى ٢/ ١٣٥، ١٣٦. والإمام أحمد، فى: المسند ٦/ ٤١٢.
